The Name of the Rose (1986)

An intellectually nonconformist monk investigates a series of mysterious deaths in an isolated abbey.

    First of, do NOT eat dinner while watching this movie. It was surprisingly stomach-turning, but excellent. The atmosphere was perfect, lingering on the edge of pure terror. It reinforced the fact that the 1300s was an awful time to live, and was chock-full of commentary and symbolism.

    I disagreed with a friend of mine when he said he thought Sean Connery was the most handsome alive. However, upon seeing this film, I changed my mind. I have no idea where they got so many ugly people, or at least, makeup artists so skilled as to completely transform a man's face. The presence of such physical imperfection creates a sense of fear and mistrust instantly when our heroes William and Adso ride up on their donkeys. William (Connery) has a intelligent, dignified, and rugged handsomeness while his young novice Adso (Christian Slater) is beautifully-featured and innocent. The monks with their warts, humps, impossibly long and rotten teeth, and frightening eyes are such a contrast you know instantly that something is wrong in the abbey. And you would be right to think so. Monks begin dying mysteriously, each with a blackened finger and tongue. 

     The film explores a lot of religious issues of the time, most notably the role of "secular" reading such as Aristotle in the church. One monk goes so far as to forbid his inferiors from laughing, saying, "Christ never laughed." Homosexuality and temptation is initially a big part of the plot, as an albino library assistant eyes Adso shyly across the dinner table, and Adso himself is captivated by a beautiful but animal-like peasant girl. William finds himself battling his fellow monks as they insist the devil is at work, while he believes a mysterious book written in Greek is the reason for all the murders in the abbey. What will win out in the end? Knowledge? Or spirituality? Is logic truly the enemy of faith? 

The Other Guys (2010)

Two mismatched New York City detectives seize an opportunity to step up like the city's top cops whom they idolize -- only things don't quite go as planned.

    I liked this movie. I thought it had a good balance between smart, random humor (how priceless is Mark Wahlberg referencing "Touched by an Angel?") and the usual sex stuff that most people expect from guy comedies. It fell into an odd group of movies - the genre parody. In this case, it was the buddy cop movie, and it was done very well. 

     Wahlberg was not the best actor in this, his strangely soft, high voice reminded me painfully of his terrible role in "The Happening," but that just meant Will Ferrell works twice as hard and we reap the benefit of that. An early sequence involves Will Ferrell shutting Wahlberg down by spewing off a long explanation of why he, a tuna, would destroy Wahlberg, a lion. It reminded me a lot of something Dwight from the T.V. show "The Office" would say. Eva Mendes was also pretty funny, as Ferrell's adoring, "scalding hot" wife. I've only seen her in dramas, and she is AWFUL. She should stick to comedy if at all possible. Michael Keaton has a good role as the police captain, and he was probably one of the highlights for me. Although I was initially shocked by how he's aged, I eventually saw that he actually has aged well. He has a funny gag involving TLC references. 

   What saved this movie from being a bad parody was the writing. It was like a combination of Fox's "American Dad!" cartoon, "The Office," and Hollywood comedy writers. As mentioned in my intro, it had smart jokes, satirical jokes (the best example is when Ferrell and Wahlberg are surprised by an exploding building and collapse in agony) and sex humor to please the guys (Mendes' mother is forced to walk back and forth between Mendes and Ferrell, delivering intimate messages). This was parody done well. A very fun, worth-9-bucks, summer movie. 

House (2008)

    Struggling couple Jack and Stephanie's car breaks down, leaving them stranded at an old inn with another couple. There's something strange about the family that lives there, but strange turns to terrifying as a masked killer known as the Tin Man vows to kill them unless they produce one dead body before dawn. The supernatural begins to emerge as the house itself turns on the two couples. Based on the novel by Christian horror/thriller authors Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker.  

First of all, the book wasn't even that good. It was fast, it was freaky, but it was one series of cliches strung together in a row. That fact is made even more clear in the film.
     It's seriously Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Silent Hill. There are creepy Southerners, a guy in a mask, a disappearing/reappearing little girl. There are sudden thunderstorms, strange water, turning handles, screaming women, and frightening one-liners like, "I'm home." Hello? That was already done, much better I might add, in The Shining. Also copied: sheets of paper shoot out of a printer all with the same words written on it. Wow.
    The acting is not good. The first three minutes were super awkward and things only got better when all our heroes had to do was scream. That's not that hard to do.
    The one thing about the book that makes this movie slightly better than a lot of others, is that it's based in Christianity, so the concept of sin and redemption are strong throughout, more so in the book, but copied vaguely in the movie. It becomes kind of like Dante's Inferno, where one's punishment is tied to the sin, making it ironic. Also, oddly enough, as the film on, it starts to resonate. After all, we all have a house. We all are tortured by the things we've done wrong, it's an internal prison. And light will destroy darkness. House stands out as one of the few horror movies (though not the most well-done) in which good triumphs over evil. 

Clash of the Titans (2010)

The remake of the 1981 film tells the mythological story of Perseus, son of Zeus, and his quest to defeat the Kraken, a powerful titan who threatens the city of Argos and its beautiful princess.

     This movie made me laugh it was so bad. The acting was strange. Sam Worthington tried to hide his Australian accent, but by the end of the movie, he had just given up. The women were all straight-faced and tried to sound mysterious, the men were over-the-top, especially Ralph Fiennes as Hades, he was certainly in rare form with his smoker voice, and Liam Neeson obviously just phoned it in. That's the only explanation for his overwhelmingly shiny body armor. The story was entertaining and had potential, but there were so many plot holes, nothing seemed to make much sense. The worst part though were the video-game graphics. Seriously, it looked like the animators had run out of time and sent their film off half-finished. This movie tried so hard to be epic, but it was just campy. A good laugh, though. 

Inception (2010)

In a world where obtaining information through dreams has become possible, expert mind thief Fisher (DiCaprio) assembles the perfect team to conduct a seemingly impossible mission. 

   First of all, I felt this movie was a little deceiving in how it seemed eerily similar to "Minority Report" with Tom Cruise. The tagline seemed to capture that film perfectly, "Your mind is the scene of the crime." However, the movies are actually very different - while "Minority Report" was about murder and catching crimes before they happen, "Inception" is about stealing information right out of people's dreams. 

    It's a bit too earlier to say, but this movie could very well be Christopher Nolan's masterpiece. We know he was a good filmmaker; his recreation of the Batman saga was nothing short of brilliant, but that wasn't an original film. "Inception" is. The story is very complex, with just about every detail carefully considered so as to create a seamless plot that can be traced beginning to end and back and make nearly perfect sense. There are a few interpretations of the movie, which I think adds to the creativity of it. It's not a cut-and-dry sort of film. Like dreams, there are many answers. 

    The actors were well chosen. Nolan uses a few of his "Batman Begins" cast, including Ken Watanabe (who gets a much better part in "Inception" then he did in "Batman"), Michael Caine (only in "Inception" for about seven minutes of screen time), and Cillian Murphy, who all add interesting layers to the plot. The real stars are DiCaprio and Marion Cotillard. My respect for DiCaprio has grown over the years, he was never a "bad" actor in my mind, quite the opposite, but he just never really stood out. Once I saw him in "Shutter Island," he was cemented in my mind as a very intense actor, even if he's not terribly versatile. He has piercing eyes, a furrowed brow, and a dedication to his character that many actors lack. You really believe him in this movie. Marion Cotillard was perfect. She was addicting to watch, whenever you see her come into the frame, your blood runs cold and you know something big is going to happen. She's absolutely beautiful, as well. Ellen Paige was in it, which was a little odd. It felt too much like an indie actress just wandered on the set. She wasn't bad, but watching her wasn't comfortable, it didn't feel like she "belonged" in the movie. 

    This is an epic movie, I'm not sure to call if it should be called sci-fi or fantasy, or some combination of both, but at 2.5 hours with almost no breathing time, it's definitely a ride. It's complex, it's thought-provoking, it's fascinating to watch...one of the best films of the summer.  

The Fifth Element (1997)

In the future, a former military officer and current cab driver encounters a strange woman who is the key to mankind's survival 

     This movie was like the funnier brother of "Blade Runner." It had very similar elements such as the futuristic setting that's still very familiar to our world now, a rather grungy hero and his mysterious love interest, and a very vivid world in which our characters live in, complete with fast food places and flying Asian food stands. However, it was a lot more cheesy, less disturbing, and just more "fun" than "Blade Runner." 

    What made this movie light was just how over the top it is. It had a lot of humor in it from Bruce Willis' New York-style tone to Chris Tucker's flamboyant DJ to the alien villains reminiscent of Jim Henson's Muppets. Even Gary Oldman, our main villain, has a lot of fun with his role, even giving him a strong Southern accent. Of course, the minute I saw him, I was eerily reminded of the character of Beauregard LaFontaine from "American Dad." I am convinced Seth McFarlene used Mr. Zorg as inspiration. 

    The story is typical sci-fi: reluctant hero must save world. The plot is pretty predictable, too, but this movie was a lot better than most sci-fi that comes out these days, probably because it did copy "Blade Runner," which is just one of the best movies ever made. 

     There was one plot point that really bugged me: Bruce Willis' character Dallas attempts to hide a group of military officers in his fridge and later retrieves them. They looked VERY dead. Much later in the movie, they're busy in the office with the president keen on saving the world, and I was very confused. I guess in the future they can just unfreeze dead people and they're fine. Makes sense, since a huge part of the movie depends on completely rebuilding Milla Jovovich from a burned chunk of glove and flesh in under two minutes. Ahh, science. 

Jacob's Ladder (1990)

Vietnam vet Jacob Singer's life begins to take a horrifying shape when he begins to see demonic creatures and reality itself begins to wrap before his very eyes.

    This is a terrifying movie. The best thing about it is its direction, which focuses in on the chaos of Jacob's terror as the people he loves, both dead and alive, begin to take on different, hellish forms and sift in and out through so that he doesn't know if he's awake or asleep. Neither does the audience. 

    The coloring of the movie is very well-done, it's very gritty, almost as if the camera lens is rubbed in dirt and cobwebs, and the violence is shadowy, so you're not quite sure if what you're seeing is human or demon. One of the most frightening scenes is when after being thrown from a car, Jacob is taken to a hospital where the doctors say to "take him down to X-ray." Suddenly, the atmosphere changes from normal, white-light hospital to flickering, filthy bulbs, a rickety hospital cart upon which our poor hero is strapped, and a hall populated by misshapen "patients" who alternately bash their own heads on bloody windows and strewn with body parts. You're just as confused and scared as Jacob is. 

   The movie is a little slow, but that adds to the suspense as you climb up Jacob's ladder (ha ha ha) to the shattering climax.