Ocean's Eleven (2001)

Hollywood's A-list stars come together to pull off the most daring heist Las Vegas has ever known...11 men, 3 casinos, 150 million dollars, 1 chance to pull it off.

    Some may accuse me of being behind in my film, but yeah, I reviewed movies that came out in the 1950's, ok? I work my way chronologically sometimes. I know some people who adore this movie. I can see why. It's kind of like a shorter, sassier The Sting. It's got classic elements that make a movie good - suspense, humor, money...I like that it wasn't super hard to follow, everything was in order, the characters generally explained everything they were doing, it was easy to watch while slightly distracted. At least for me. My "distractions" usually don't consist of much more than trying to pry Chips Ahoy from their packaging. 

    I liked the acting. There are a lot of big stars in this and their chemistry is actually pretty good. In my opinion, this is one of the last movies where Brad Pitt actually looked really good, and George Clooney, who usually gets on my nerves, was his normal smooth self. Julia Roberts had a weird part. That's ok. It wasn't nearly as weird as in the second movie in this series, which, might I add, was a DISASTER. 

    This wasn't a movie I would necessarily choose to see, but I was with a bunch of girls and it was either this or Pineapple Express. The choice was pretty clear, and it was a worthy decision. The movie, though not especially memorable in the ocean of movies, is fun and smart. Why not.  

Whip It (2009)

In Bodeen, Texas, an indie-rock loving misfit Bliss finds a way of dealing with the pressure of her beauty pageant mother after she discovers a roller derby league in nearby Austin.

    What I like about this movie is its classic theme set in a throughly fun, raw environment. It enters the sexy sport arena of the roller girls and takes the viewer for a super fun ride that has us cheering on our favorite indie actress (Juno's Ellen Page). All of the acting (with the exception of very creepy, greasy Landon Pigg as Page's love interest) is perched brilliantly on the edge of rather dramatic real people and just plain theatrical acting. Marcia Gay Harden (love that woman's eyebrows, by the way, I would say they're sexy, but she's not an especially sexy person) is a scene-stealing as Bliss'  former Miss Austin or whatever beauty pageant-pushing steel magnolia mother. She made me nervous, which is perfect. She's not one of those characters you feel smug about when our heroine makes a stand for her desires in life. She was like my mother - I like rebelling as much as the next person, but that guilt of disappointing them still breathes inside me. 

     I'm a skater, so I love the scenes with the roller girls in action. I mean, what girl doesn't want to have a super cool nickname, dress super sexy and beat up on other girls while skating super fast around a rink? Seriously. It's awesome. 

    Drew Barrymore directed this, her first movie, and it was very good for her first movie. She has a funny supporting role as a girl frequently injured and who injures others. It's not exactly a chick flick, it's like a sporty chick flick, I guess. The only thing missing was that good love interest, but I guess, realistically, at 17, how good can love really be? The family and friendship love is the focus and it's good. See it. 

The Thing (1982)

Scientists in the Antarctic are confronted by a shape-shifting alien that assumes the appearance of the people that it kills.

    I have been seeing a lot of alien-related movies lately, haven't I? And I also just bought the full box set of The X-Files. Wow. I am turning into one of "those" people. Anyway, on to review. This reminded me of Alien, like a lot, except where Alien was based on psychological fear, The Thing went all out on that AND the gore. I forgot that the movie was rated R until the first transformation scene where "the thing" comes out of its disguise as a seemingly friendly husky into its true self. It was quite horrifying. As a critic though, I was incredibly impressed by the makeup and special effects required for that scene and others where our characters suddenly become monsters. 

    The acting was good, I don't really remember much, but no one was terrible. It was very down-to-earth, a cast of all men sitting around on a frozen slab of ice with their green-screened computers and furry coats, who either muttered to each other about their work or went ape with terror at the prospect of "the thing" eating them or whatever it does. There was no Ripley character, no real hero, so it just reminded me the movie wasn't really about the characters, it was just the shock value of the sudden appearance of something terrifying out of the body of someone you thought you could trust.

    I didn't really like the movie because of its high gore factor. There was one scene in particular that involved a pen of husky dogs that deeply disturbed me. As a dog lover, I could barely watch. I read on movie threads that many people share my disgust at the scene but I was somewhat soothed by those movie buffs who try to calm the frantic nerves of dog lovers by pointing out the wagging tails of the dogs "in agony," signifying their response to their trainer standing close by on set. STILL. WAS THAT REALLY NECESSARILY, CARPENTER? HMM?

    So, in a nutshell, think not as good Alien, but gorier for those of you who like that, and it's got Kurt Russell. There's a cool UFO scene, too. I watched it to burn time. It served its purpose. It's a cult film, and I guess I don't fit into that realm of people who are all over this film. Maybe you will be. Watch it and see. 

The Innocents (1961)

Based on Henry James' classic "The Turn of the Screw." The Innocents focuses on a young governess for two children who becomes convinced that the house and grounds are haunted.

     One word: Creepster. Everything about this movie is creepy, and it is brilliant. Despite being miscast because of her age, Deborah Kerr makes up for her disadvantage by giving the kind of performance thriller actresses today can only dream about. Her facial expressions are haunting, perfectly capturing the mix of confusion and terror that any woman would feel during the situations Kerr finds herself in. The children are good actors, but it is the young boy that truly finds his character and nails it. The girl...eh. She's kind of annoying, honestly, but that's ok. It's the boy we watch, and it is the boy that frightens us. 

      "The Turn of the Screw" is one of the most confusing books I've ever read, but also the most fascinating. Because of its first-person perspective, we are left wondering if any of it is real or has this young girl completely lost her mind. In the movie, it's a little less vague, but there are moments when we seriously question the sanity of Kerr's character. It makes the movie open to interpretation, and the intro and conclusion of Kerr's prayer is magnificent. Love it. Totally creepy.

     I like it in black and white. It captures that Gothic mood so crucial to the story that 1960's technicolor would have ruined. In the book, sexuality was a key part of the controversy that Henry James sought, and in the movie it is maintained in its subtleness, adding even more layers to the complex story. 

    This is a real thriller. No gore, no blood, no monsters...just dark corridors, terrified faces, random noises, candlelight and creepy children. It will haunt you. You will spend the rest of your life trying to piece together the puzzle. I don't know if anyone ever will. 

Date Movie (2006)

Spoof of romantic comedies which focuses on a man (Campbell), his crush (Hannigan), his parents (Coolidge, Willard), and her father (Griffin)

    Imdb.com shows this movie as having a star rating of 2.6 out of 10. And yet I watched it. I do not know why. I'd like to blame medication, my lack of school work, anything. But alas, I cannot. I saw this because I actually thought it might be funny. How wrong I was.

     First of all, the acting is terrible and I hated everyone, even Alyson Hannigan, who I generally find appealing. The spoofs were unfunny, vulgar, and random so the movie felt like a series of bad impression sketches, which has been the downfall of other recent spoof movies, like Disaster Movie (which, I will admit, was worse than Date Movie) and Epic Movie (equally bad, I'd say). 

    Seriously, I'm lying belly down on my mattress at 3 in the morning trying to think of anything else to write about this movie, but it was just awful. There was NOTHING redeeming about it. Not one funny sketch, not one moment where I smiled...nothing. This would be an AWFUL movie to take a date to. 

   If you liked the Scary Movie franchise, maybe you'd like this, I do not know. Those weren't that great in my opinion anyway, but they did have a slightly more coherent plot, but still much too crude for my taste. 

    In a nutshell, avoid this movie like the plague. This one finally convinced me to stop watching these spoof movies and give up on my dream of a good spoof film anytime soon. I'll stick to old Mad TV sketches and SNL from now on, thank you. Even Family Guy has better cultural references. I am not joking, and I don't care if I sound obnoxious, BURN THIS FILM. BURN IT. It does not deserve a happy ending.

The Fourth Kind (2009)

Fact-based thriller involving an ongoing unsolved mystery in Alaska, where one town has seen an extraordinary number of unexplained disappearances during the past 40 years and there are accusations of a federal cover up. -IMDB.com

     First of all, this is not a fact-based movie. The marketing on this film took its cue from The Blair Witch Project and other such similar "documentaries" to such an extreme that Nome, Alaska went up in arms against the deceptive ads. I myself being somewhat a believer in alien encounters, was fooled for a while until I did more research and realized it was all just a way to promote the movie. Moving on from that however, the movie was quite fascinating.

    Because the director had access to "real" footage of interviews and such, the split screen technique was used often, one side portraying the real person with the actor miming the actual events. It was an unusual move and definitely gave the film an amateur, real-life feel (it was appropriate this was released around the same time as Paranormal Activity, a movie essentially filmed like a youtube video). The movie cut between the plot and the director's interview with our victim of the alien encounter. Honestly, she was the creepiest out of any of the movie's characters, human or alien. There was a lot of talk about owls in the movie, and when I first saw her, she reminded me very much of an owl, with her hollow, shadow-rimmed eyes and creepily whispery voice. There are several scenes where she cries, and it was quite possibly the most haunting sound I've heard in my life.

     I like the plot. It's fast, gripping, and keeps the audience on the edge of their seat. It has plenty of gotcha! moments, so much that a girl in my theater screamed during an intense spontaneous levitation scene. It's not an uplifting movie however, shedding little hope to the traumatic experience of alien abduction. However, like District 9, it moves away from traditional alien movies and employs psychological horror instead of special effects - you never see the aliens, only shadows - and since the similar made Paranormal Activity profited so much, I anticipate more movies that stray away from tradition and turn classic movie food into something unique.